Parents around the globe, who drive cars with their children in them, will understand and appreciate the evolution of child vehicular seating and all the intense and wild emotion that goes along with it. The topic “children in cars”, however, is not something for which the parenting handbooks really prepare us. I remember the day I left the hospital with my first-born child and thinking about how irresponsible it was of the doctors to let me take this baby home. In leaving the hospital, the first task of being a new parent is strapping your brand-new miracle into an infant carrier, which is a terrifying task, especially since the miracle has no neck control. Then for essentially the first year of his or her life, your baby faces backward in the car, looking at the boring back seat and maybe out the back window depending on the type of car you have and how tall he or she grows. Some people hang toys and images on the rear seat to keep their children entertained and to help stimulate their developing brains, and we often attach mirrors to the back seat so we can see in the rear-view mirror our little miracles in all their glory while they ride backward. We spend a year of our lives listening to the often noisy or sleepy occupant in the back of the car, not fully seeing them, and praying for their safety with each trip.
And then the day comes when they get turned around in a new updated toddler-sized car seat with a 5-point harness, and we can easily see them in the rear-view mirror without a required second mirror! Our little front-facing passengers are experimenting with sounds and learning words, and the art of conversation begins as banter volleys between the front and back seats. We can easily glance in the rear-view mirror, and just love on their beautiful faces as they smile back, or almost die in frustration as we watch them spill snacks, squeeze juice boxes, melt down in tears, or unsafely throw toys that are not meant for throwing.
For many parents, as our children grow taller and wider, we enjoy the easy booster seat years when they can essentially buckle themselves in and out of a slightly raised seat for a period of time, until car seats in every form are retired. Many parents also often experience the joy of the mini-van years, when our little humans are still backseat passengers but now getting in and out of the car on their own with doors that open and close for them, often with friends in tow. We are hauling our beloved babies along with all their hockey, soccer, lacrosse, karate, dance, music, or horseback riding gear! The car becomes the place for homework, snacks, and stories about all the wonderful things that happened at school that day. And our developing humans are indeed becoming more interesting travelers, and we sigh quietly in relief.
And, then that special day arrives. The child reaches the height and weight requirement for moving to the coveted front seat. They call out “shotgun!” as they run to meet you at the car. The days of wondering what is happening in the back seat are over and it is at this moment in time when you lose the place you always put your purse. This is slightly frustrating, but the benefits are so worth it! Your new co-pilot is good company and the best conversationalist, and… also now in control of the music that is being played in the car. Your child starts to appreciate all that goes into driving a car, asks questions and begins to learn the rules of the road, and he or she starts to imagine what it will be like to be in your seat driving the car one day.
Emotions then run very high the day you switch places, and your child takes your seat behind the wheel with their foot on the brake and gas pedals, and you take their seat as co-pilot. Teaching a child how to drive a car is the experience that causes parents’ hair to turn gray, adds the grimace lines to their faces, and teaches the child curse words if they had not yet learned them before. Your teen is exhilarated knowing mastering this skill is their ticket to freedom, and you do your best to teach them all they need to know to be safe while trying to keep your mind from going to the dark places where you imagine all the bad things that can happen, wrestling with mortality in a way you never knew you could.
And, then, that moment you could not have imagined when you left the hospital with them in the infant carrier happens. Your child takes their driving test and passes, the very curated license photo is taken, there are actual squeals of delight, and then your child drives off on his or her own for the very first time. Yes, you feel fear like you have never felt it before. And sadness that they are no longer your co-pilot. You have lost your “shotgun!” rider, and that pain is real. But the joy we feel is also real! We did our job and parented, teaching and empowering them with developmentally appropriate independence! We gave them wheels and the skills to be safe. And now, just as when they were babies facing backward in the car, all we can do is pray with thanksgiving for the opportunity and with humble supplication for safety. And ladies, let’s all just take a moment to celebrate that we again have a convenient place to put our purse!
So beautifully stated, Cyndy! The cycle of life--for children, and for adults! You have said it well! Now just keep facing forward. There is more good stuff coming down the road, for them, for you. Enjoy the ride!❤️